New Found Love. - New found love can be overwhelming. It open you up for the possibilities that you might have otherwise not prepared for. Yes, we want love, and yes, we oft...
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Sitting vigil with Michael
Sitting vigil with Michael.
He sleeps, quietly, trustingly.
Michael is no longer able to tell me what his needs are. He has put his trust in me, and I must trust my instincts when it comes to maintaining the optimal level of medication throughout the day.
This is actually my second attempt at a journal entry today. My first draft, I'll call it, was mistakenly deleted. Each time this happens I find myself about to react, and can feel my blood pressure rise. Then I reconsider the lack of magnitude that such an matter is, take a deep breath, and start over.
In writing these journal entries I am often questioning just how much to share. Then as a writer (I'm getting some lofty ideas) I remind myself that art, like love, should have no boundaries. With this in mind I'll share with you my finding that you can squeeze a lot of love into one small hospital bed. As of last night Michael still had strength in his right arm. I was able to lay beside him, held in his embrace. I share this as a testament of how this relationship continues to be one of mutual love and affection. Michael continues to give me so much. And though I know that this same arm has lost it's strength today, his occasional gaze can still cause me to bend at the knees.
Michael's breathing is getting heavier, and in the background is the lovely voice of Julia Fordham. Today we have been enjoying the purity of her voice with our CD collection. I have been playing all of our favorites throughout the week, knowing that he can hear them. I can feel that someone, or something, is communicating with Michael about his impending journey, but while we are sharing his attention, Michael will have music.
Throughout last night Michael was focused on one particular area toward the ceiling. He was clearly enthralled by something, as he was looking up with the curiosity of a child. His guide must have arrived.
Keep your love flowing, yet consider this. Michael has benefited so much by all of our love. In his honor, as he prepares for his departure, lets start sharing some of that love with others who might also be in need.