Hospice, a numbing time

• Monday, August 17, 2009 9:18 PM, PDT
Before I start, I want you to know that I am sitting here looking at a picture of Michael and me celebrating our wedding day, and I am so grateful for having him in my life.

The news here is not good. I know that many of you are waiting to hear about today's appointment, so I'm going to state it briefly, and hopefully, clearly. There are two types of views that we mainly focus on when looking at tumor growth. The first shows the most aggressive part, which is where the new tumor growth is appearing. As is the nature of these tumors, it is now moving from the right side of the brain, to the left side of the brain. There is significant growth in the left frontal lobe, and the tumor is expanding to the back of the brain as well. In the second view, we are able to see the actual tumor mass, which has doubled in size since the last MRI three months ago.

That is all that I want to say about the tumor itself. Our focus now is on what we can do to provide Michael the best quality of life with each day left. Tomorrow we meet with a hospice nurse to find out how they can assist us from this point forward.

I want to thank Craig for joining us at today's appointment. He is Michael's best friend, and he gives, unconditionally, whatever Michael needs. Tomorrow Barbara and Tessa will be back in town for a scheduled date to make chocolate chip cookies.

For all you voicing your concerns for us, I say thank you. If you have messages for us feel free to send them our way on this site, or to my email address. Please know that I am reading them, but will not be able to respond to each one individually. Yet I promise you I will be sure to share them all with Michael. Although he may not always be able to remember the details of each message, he will certainly retain the love that pours out to him. As for me, I am often numb. I am trying to allow myself time to feel and cry out, but mostly I am wanting to take in Michael's love, especially to hear his words while he has them.

Goodnight.

Dan