The painful finish line approaches

• Friday, September 4, 2009 11:17 PM, PDT
Tonight I sit and take a big deep breath. Life this week has been an endless sprint. I feel like a long distance runner who is trying to find an even pace so I can make it to the finish line. Unfortunately, the finish line will be very painful, as I know that in the end I will lose.

For Michael's sake, I need to focus on what sounds horribly wrong. I need to focus on the win. I need to remember that Michael has had a good run. He has had a life full of adventure. Throughout his adventurous life he has touched the heart of so many people, and I am blessed to be among them. It was almost two years ago that Michael was dealt this life altering blow. He was told that his time would be limited, and that his time would be riddled with many challenges. Michael chose to move forward, and to expect the best. For quite some time he was fortunate enough to do well, and to enjoy many new experiences, and these days were filled with joy.

As you know, his good fortune has taken a turn. It is now time for Michael to begin the process of leaving this us. I have to believe that there is another adventure awaiting him. I pray that Michael will be met by a loving guide, one who will make his departure from us easier.

The difficult realities of this stage in his process are that he is no longer able to walk on his own. His brain has pretty much stopped communicating with his body, and he has lost most of his muscle strength. While his brain tells him he still able-bodied, his efforts are not met with success. His brilliant mind, and longterm memory, are still present. His ability to communicate however is quickly fading. Throughout this challenging time his mother and I have been at his side, making sure all his needs are met. It is both exhausting and rewarding. It gives us some comfort knowing that we are being present to him, that we are giving him the love and attention so well deserves.

I should take this time to let all of you know how grateful I am for the ongoing pouring of love and support you continue to bless me with. Michael, myself, and all of our family, are so nourished each day by your collective love.

I don't know how much longer I have with Michael, so I am doing my best to find joy in each day. My hope is to slow down, to not keep running so fast that I miss out on what is before me.

Before me is a man that offered me his heart, a man I will always love.


Dan